Chapter 1 - A Return to Oz

In which our hero makes a perilous journey through time and space to the mysterious land down under.

So. Here I am, back in Australia. Except with a more daunting purpose, and less money to spend, and more things to have to spend it on. I don't even know what to say. I'm still very tired. I don't really know what to do with myself. I'm slightly freaking out, and doubting the sanity of the entire enterprise.

OK. So. I left on Saturday morning, wearing shorts and Keens and leaving my coat with Mom and Sisters at the Robert Q station, leaving me with just a hoodie. There was lots of snow, but the sun was shining. The plane left Toronto on time and without a hitch. Even though the lift-off is my favourite bit, I was essentially asleep before it. I slept until about 2/3 of the movie was done. (As solidly as one can on an air plane). That's shocking, I know. But in very grave circumstances, I'll make an exception and ignore a movie – like if I've slept less than four hours the night before, and it's a movie I've never heard of. The gentleman one seat over from me was a French fellow, and I overheard him telling the girl beside me that he was working on an updated 3D Felix the Cat. Later on he was sketching Felix on his computer, using a stylus that looked like one of those grease pencils that you peel the paper back from. He could pick the different types of mark the pen would make, and then just erase with his finger, like on a white board. It looked awesome. Very high-techy stuff. Very fun to watch.

We landed in L. A., and as we were taxiing in I saw the most amazing thing: a double-decker plane! It said China Southern on it, or something to that effect. I seriously don't understand how those things fly. I know it's all lift and drag and physics stuff, but seriously. It's like the Titanic with wings.

But wait, there's more. After waiting nearly an hour past the scheduled boarding time, our Qantas plane pulled in, and guess what – double decker! Holy carp! It turns out it was more like 1 1/3, but still. Amazingness. So we took off. Naturally, I started watching movies on the amazing on-demand entertainment system. I began with Robot & Frank. They fed us supper. They were both very good. One was quite tasty, and the other had robots. I'll leave it to your imagination which was which. Then I watched 7 Psychopaths. Also quite good. But I was getting a bit sleepy. Then I watched From Rome With Love. The bits with subtitles made me more sleepy, but no self-respecting cinephile would sleep through a Woody Allen movie, so I persevered. Then, I decided to bite the bullet (except I didn't have a bullet so I used a cookie) and take a nap. I put on something that I didn't especially care whether I slept through or not: The Bourne Legacy. I slept through most of it. Please don't misunderstand and think this is some kind of slight on the Bourne series. It's just that it's sort of ... more readily available, and more likely that I'll see it again. Then I put on one from the Aussie section: Paul Kelly: Stories of Me. Apparently he's quite a big deal down here. I liked the bits I saw, but unfortunately slept through most of that as well. Then lastly, I put on The Sapphires. That was very good. I highly recommend it. It's based on a true story of some Aboriginal girls who were a soul group in the late 60s. But wait, you say. It doesn't add up. You've only mentioned six titles, and it was a fourteen hour flight. Each movie was most likely two or less hours. That makes less than twelve. Yes, well. The amazing on-demand entertainment system kind of had a fit about ten minutes into The Sapphires, and so they re-booted it. While it was rebooting they served brekkie, so I decided to finish eating before trying the movie again. I just barely made it – the credits were rolling as we touched down.

So. Palm trees. Scary snakes and spiders. Vegemite. It's all for real. But there's more. Tim Tams. 'Nuff said.

Anyway. We unloaded ourselves from the plane. Went through customs. They didn't mind me bringing in some choco. Then we collected our baggage, went and handed the lady our customs cards, and left. There was a disappointing lack of very cute Sniffer Beagles. Oh well. There was a woman with a sign with my name on it, and a girl in a red t-shirt who gave me a nice swag bag. Then I signed in on their iPad, and the woman drove me to my homestay, where I was met by Wen Ying, the other homestay girl. I unpacked. Had some lunch. Showed her some pictures of the ridiculous snow two years ago. One munchkin was home sick, so I met him right away, then later Sarah came home with another. Then we went out to Wooly's (that's Woolworth's, for the non-Aussies in the audience) for a quick grocery shop. Then home. Then dinner. Then waiting until it was a reasonable time at home to call Mom and Dad to explain that I wasn't dead, there was just no internet in the house. I was, needless to say, very tired. Shower. Bed. Unsuccessful attempt to watch an episode of 30 Rock, because I fell asleep. The window was open all night, and the breeze blew in the scent of the flowery tree outside. I slept from what was, at home, about 6 in the morning to 3:30 in the afternoon. Practically my regular schedule. Except here it's normal productive working person hours, not lazy unemployed person hours, because here it was 9 at night to 6:30 in the morning. I believe that's it, my friends. More tomorrow. Over and out.

Here's some pics of the house.

Yes. There's seriously a trampoline.